I cannot recall a single day over the last six years, in which I would not mind if I were struck by some unlucky fate that resulted in my demise. If it were not for my family and really close friends, and the tremendous support they have been able to offer me, I know I would not be here today.
I do not know how much longer I can endure this world. A world that is so lonely, and so passionless. A world of such monumental misunderstanding. Inundated with emotion. Incapacitating pain. An unhinged and tortured existence. How is it worth it?
Last week, I tried to take my life through water intoxication. I just could not handle the flood of emotions anymore. I was drowning figuratively, and so it is fitting that I tried to drown literally. I drank nearly 1.5 gallons of water in under 30 minutes.
Much to my surprise, nothing happened. No nausea. Just absolutely nothing. I thought at least a close call may have at least helped to shake some sense into me; however, I had nothing more than stomach filled with an excessive amount of water.
Truthfully speaking, I do not regret my actions. It just does not make any sense to me. Life. How we all just go through the motions, and work towards goals that humankind has deemed to be worthwhile. But what is it all for?