During a manic episode, I experience an increased level in energy that I would describe as a kind of “high.”

I develop a heightened sense of self in which I am fun, flirty, fierce, fabulous, and fearless.

“Who would not want to be me?”

I am basically unstoppable. 

I also do not feel the need to sleep much during periods of mania (well hypomania in my case).

And I engage in reckless activities such as unrestrained shopping sprees…

OR clubbing the night before a major assessment.

Then the irritation begins to set in.

And while I do not actually hear voices, I hear my own voice shouting at me, the endless amounts of thoughts racing through my mind.

And  I become a bit paranoid.

At this point, the mania has usually completely transformed into depression, and I immediately suffer a blow to my self-esteem. I become filled with feelings of hopelessness, abandonment, sadness, worthlessness…and the list can go on and on.

During depressive episodes, I find it incredibly difficult to function. Even daily routines such as waking up, brushing my teeth, showering, and eating seem like daunting tasks.  My energy becomes nonexistent and I lose interest in nearly everything, EXCEPT for sleeping. It seems to be my only escape.

I fear that my quality of life will never be the same again and I often contemplate living.

But, ultimately I feel a bit of relief when the cycle begins again.