It was November. My world had continued to crumble. I had started missing a day of school at least once a week, and I would come to school late multiple days a week. I was plagued by headaches, and fainting spells. On some days, I was literally too weak to come into school. I did not have an appetite. I grew thin and frail. I was exhausted. I probably slept 14 to 16 hours each day. My mother had to wake me up in between sleep binges to force me to eat. Surprisingly, I was still getting A’s and B’s … Continue reading Chapter 8

I thought senior year might have been different. I had had a nice and relaxing summer. I spent nearly a month in Paris, and it was the most fun I had in years. I felt an instant connection with the people I met there. I did not feel like I had to pretend to be anyone other than myself in order to fit in. I wished I could stay there forever. The school year started off okay, but quickly unraveled as my friends continued to slip away from me. I lost one of the few friends I had confided in, … Continue reading Chapter 7

I had very little hope and feared for the worst. I did not believe any tutor was capable of helping me turn my grades around… especially with only 3 weeks of the semester remaining. I was sure I was going to fail Honors Pre-Calculus. I could not begin to fathom what would happen to me if I had failed. I loathed myself. Only the thoughts of working hard, getting into NYU Stern, the school of my dreams, and having the chance to start over kept me hanging on. I just could not imagine what would happen if I had failed. … Continue reading Chapter 6

It was a sunny and warm spring afternoon. It was also my first day of art therapy. My mom did not have much luck with finding a local psychologist who was accepting new patients, so I had settled for art therapy. I pulled up to the therapist’s house atop a gently rolling hill in the next town over from mine. My mom and I walked slowly up the cobblestone pathway leading us to her front door. I nervously rang the door bell. I was instantly greeted by two big black barking dogs. “I hope you’re not afraid of dogs,” the … Continue reading Chapter 4

I woke up one spring morning my junior year of high school. The sun was shining through my window panes and I was buried deep under my covers. I could not get up. I had already missed the first period of the school day when my mom finally ripped the covers off of me, and asked in a stern tone, “What are you still doing here? Are you not going to school?” I whispered, “ I cannot go,” as I quickly drew the sheets back over my face. “Why? What’s wrong?” she inquired. I responded unconvincingly, “I have a headache, … Continue reading Chapter 3

It was a Saturday morning. I was sitting in the back seat of my dad’s car. As we drove up the winding hill to our house,  I blurted out, “The doctor thinks I may be depressed.” He chuckled and replied, “That’s impossible! You’re not depressed. You’re the happiest person I know.” I knew I was depressed and I was crushed by his response. In that moment, I could feel my eyes watering and tension building up inside me. I was extremely fortunate to have been sitting in the back seat, and to not have to make eye contact with him. … Continue reading Chapter 2

I remember sitting in the library my junior year of high school desperately trying to figure out what was wrong with me. I had been feeling very fatigued, and had been sleeping at least 14 hours a day. I had constantly experienced unexplainable feelings of inadequateness, irritability, hopelessness, guilt, agony, and shame. I could not explain or justify my feelings to anyone, so I showed up wearing a great big smile on my face. I was trying to be a “functional” human being. In the back of my head, I knew for a long time that I was depressed, but … Continue reading Chapter 1