I had very little hope and feared for the worst. I did not believe any tutor was capable of helping me turn my grades around… especially with only 3 weeks of the semester remaining. I was sure I was going to fail Honors Pre-Calculus. I could not begin to fathom what would happen to me if I had failed. I loathed myself. Only the thoughts of working hard, getting into NYU Stern, the school of my dreams, and having the chance to start over kept me hanging on. I just could not imagine what would happen if I had failed. I was sure my life would be over. Literally. I would not be able to live with myself. All my self worth was wrapped up in my intelligence and academic pursuits. I did not believe life would be worth living if it entailed a future filled with failure.
Still much to my surprise and satisfaction, I not only managed to pass Honors Pre-Calculus, but I also managed to bring my grade up to a B. As my tutor had said to my parents on more than one occasion, “This class is not too difficult for her. She clearly understands the material. She just does not believe in herself.”
I did not believe in myself.