I thought senior year might have been different. I had had a nice and relaxing summer. I spent nearly a month in Paris, and it was the most fun I had in years. I felt an instant connection with the people I met there. I did not feel like I had to pretend to be anyone other than myself in order to fit in. I wished I could stay there forever.

The school year started off okay, but quickly unraveled as my friends continued to slip away from me. I lost one of the few friends I had confided in, and I still do not know what I did to cause her to drift away so suddenly.

I was immensely lonely. I spent many lunches and free periods hiding out in the library. I could not brave sitting alone in the cafeteria, nor could I bear having no one to speak to during my free periods; therefore, I tried to busy myself with work to distract myself from the fact that I did not really have friends. Mostly, I had acquaintances who only waved to me in the hallways when no one else was around. Although I often spent my free time in the library, I still found it difficult to complete my assignments. I would just stare at my computer in a state of paralysis. Anxious thoughts flooded my mind, making it nearly impossible to concentrate.

Life at home did not prove to be much better. I felt like I was entering a war zone each day I returned home from school. My dad still refused to believe I was depressed, and I was chastised constantly for being “weak” and “lazy.” I was the most hurt by my dad because I had always been a diligent worker. I would never have simply stopped caring about my school work. I wished he would have known me better than he did.