I have been sexually assaulted more times than I can remember. It happened once, twice, three times, and then slowly I became desensitized to the harassment.

The first time I was assaulted, I hadn’t even had my first kiss. I had just begun college and I had pretty much steered clear from boys up until that point. I had decided that in this new chapter of my life, I was finally going to put myself out there and try new experiences.

I was at Life in Color. It was light and fun at first. I enjoyed the attention I had received from the guys around me. It was new. It felt nice to feel wanted for once.

Before long, things turned a bit menacing. A guy came up to me and asked me if I wanted to dance. I politely declined his invitation. His friend then approached me and said, “Come on. Do my friend a favor.” More sternly, I said, “No.”

Instantly, both guys descended upon me. One of the guys stood in front of me and shoved his hands down my shorts. The other guy came from behind me and forced his hands up my shirt. They began dragging me through the crowd and away from my friends. They were trying to rip my clothes off of me. I yelped, “STOP,” several times as struggled to break free, but they would not let up. I became paralyzed with fear. I was sure they were going to rape me. Thankfully, one of my male friends who attended the concert, noticed what was happening and intervened. Promptly, the two guys scurried off, never to be seen again.

For years, I blamed myself for the events that transpired that day. I was drinking underage, I had on skimpy clothing, and I HATED EDM. I thought I could have avoided that situation. I thought it was all some sort of bad karma for drinking underage and for being so tantalizing.

People… Women have actually insinuated that I bring sexual assault upon myself and have cited my “flirty and seductive” behavior as a chief cause. It’s an isolating and shameful experience when you cannot talk about it without being ridiculed.

There are not enough words to describe how I feel… Enraged, disappointed, hurt, violated, fearful and alone, just to name a few.

I should not have to feel paranoid as I walk past men or cross over to the other side of the street to avoid being catcalled.

I should not have to feel anxious or afraid to spend time alone with men.

I should not have to monitor the clothing I wear.

I should not have to alter my personality in order to repel men.

I should have control over my own body, but I do not.